just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When are your genitals available?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
