Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
