i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
