after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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