every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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