I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
