So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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