Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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