I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
