Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
