I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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