i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize