I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
