He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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