my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
