I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize