It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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