It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
