she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
