After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
