you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
