Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
