My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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