I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
