Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
