If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
