I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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