So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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