I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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