I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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