Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
