This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
