I'm drive I can fine osifer
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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