Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
