What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
