So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
