dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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