I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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