I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
