sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
