That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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