Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
