Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
