So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
