If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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