I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
