You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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