Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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