dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
