I wish my penis had an off switch
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
