It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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