She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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