The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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