i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
