he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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