I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
