I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
