Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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