who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
