when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
