I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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