Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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