We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
