Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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