So drunk, too bad you don't want this
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
